I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
