you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
