"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
