Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
