her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
