I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
