When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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