it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
