Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
