It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
