fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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