barbara walters just said penis...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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