He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
