that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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