She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
