i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
