in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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