If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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