I just cut my nipple shaving
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
