Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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