"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
