you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
