do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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