I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish i was in the wii world.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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