I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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