after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
