one two three fourrrrnication!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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