You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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