If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
