Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
