My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
