haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
