Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
