they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
