Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I did not marry a roomba.
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