forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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