Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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