i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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