I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hate all girls vehemently.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
