Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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