I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
