I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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