in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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