3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
whose parrot is this?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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