It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Four minutes until I can fart!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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