how can u be prego again
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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