you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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