lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize