How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
