I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
