Dude my mom stole all your condoms
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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