Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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