Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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