**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
