Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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