Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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