you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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