He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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