is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
