You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
