and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
