Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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