We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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