Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
