I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
